Many times, I told my dad, “I Hate You” [well in my head]. I often do this in many ways by not answering calls, giving one-word answers, if I do like “yes”, “ok”, “maybe” … and just rejecting his efforts as he tried to be a dad to me [I assume].
My thoughts were bent on ‘too little, too late’ [Where were you when I needed you?”]. Pushed to the cesspool of my thought I stirred… When I gave up on life, where was the support? When puberty hit, and I was becoming a man, where were you to show me what that meant? When I was dating my first girlfriend where were you to give advice? Jus gweh yah man [Just go away]. With all that inside me…how could I be a dad. I had many fears like would I continue this cycle like my dad? would I really leave my child to suffer so much social unjust? As I wallowed in this state I wondered, would I be able to pay the bills? Buy food? etc.
I was purposed on being proactive and wanted to be a better dad. If that should ever be, I wanted to be rated by my children as a cool and awesome dad. With the fear of repeating the past I took on my new purpose by working very hard to secure a better future however, I neglected my social life hence I became stressed.
However, I have learnt, therefore I would advise you. A lot of times we are weighed down by past hurts, which hinder us from enjoying present happiness, as we try to make future plans. That is a recipe that often leads to fatigue and missed opportunities.
Becoming aware of the expectations of society that men are the breadwinners in the family, yet when we never get any guidance to properly unleash this responsibility our ego is provoked. Hence, our thoughts become flustered, we display negative emotions from the slightest critique. We step aside from foreseen challenges even dodging our responsibilities even though we would have vowed to be committed.
Each day is a new day to better yourself. Each day is a new day to learn and enjoy. Each day a new hurdle may come to shake up what we thought was ‘it’. Just pause for a while and think. The experience with COVID-19 made us experience this. So, how about enjoying the process called life and embracing the many changes, adapting daily, and preparing properly.
Think again, if we see a female we admire we make strategic plans to meet that female who seemingly is our ideal choice, by seeking wise advice and even borrowing essential protocols to make the acquaintance in order to become successful. As it relates to being a father who has seen his sliding mistakes, it takes a similar approach. Having a structured plan which may even involve partaking in reading edifying materials and therapeutic communication with similar dads and trained professionals, you will lend yourself to developing trust, self-confidence and progressing on the path of being a parent empowered to create a difference.